


Piercing Problems

by DrayOakenshield



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Cock Piercing, Crack, Humor, M/M, Oops, Tongue Piercings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 16:57:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13252578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrayOakenshield/pseuds/DrayOakenshield
Summary: Dwalin's new tongue piercing has finally healed and Thorin wants to see what it feels like. Of course, that doesn't go as planned.





	Piercing Problems

**Author's Note:**

> After the hard last chapter I posted to Loving a Dwarrow I needed a break, so here have some (hopefully) hilarious crack.

Thorin sighed as the last council member filed out of the room, yet again another meeting that had dragged on with a lot of arguing but not a lot of productivity. And it had not been sped along in the slightest by the images dancing around his brain of what was waiting for him back in his rooms.

“Something on your mind my king?” Dwalin said with a hint of a smirk as he stepped out of the shadows at the back of the room.

“You’ve become almost as good as Nori at sticking to the shadows,” Thorin replied with a sly grin.

“And you are almost as good at avoiding questions as he is.” Dwalin bantered as he walked over and pulled Thorin into a searing kiss, his freshly healed tongue piercing clacking against the king's teeth.

Thorin moaned into the kiss, “I was thinking about that piercing of yours and the plans you were talking about this morning before you snuck out of my rooms.”

Dwalin grinned wickedly and dropped his hand to the front of Thorin’s trousers to roughly palm his already twitching cock through the leather of his pants. When Thorin arched into his hand Dwalin’s grin widened and he dropped to his knees, quickly yanking open the lacing confining Thorin. Once his prize was revealed Dwalin leaned forward and licked from the root all the way up to the ring pierced through the slit. Sitting back on his heels Dwalin looked at Thorin feigning innocence, “and what plans would those be your majesty?”

Thorin growled before grabbing Dwalin roughly by the sides of his beard and pulled him back down onto Thorin’s cock. They had been using each other as bed warmers since well before the trip to reclaim Erebor and knew each other's limits, Thorin had no reservations about being rough with the captain of his guard. What he wasn’t used to working with was the new piercing on Dwalin’s tongue which instantly got caught in the ring of his own piercing, tugging painfully and causing Thorin to cry out in pain.

As the barbell through his tongue caught on Thorin’s piercing Dwalin stifled a yelp of his own and tried to pull away only to find himself stuck. Pulling back as far as he could without hurting either of them more Dwalin looked at Thorin with panic in his eyes, without being able to see how the piercings were stuck together he had no hope of untangling them.

“Fuck!” Thorin exclaimed, “I can’t see them to unhook them. Let me see if I can stand up and get a better angle.”

Dwalin nodded slightly and shifted back as best he could to give Thorin room.

As Thorin stood up he knocked the heavy wooden chair he had been sitting in over causing a very loud clatter that he was sure anyone who happened to be in the hall would hear.

Bilbo was walking past the council room on the way back from working in the library with Ori when he heard a ruckus inside the room that should have been empty at this time of night. Resting his hand on the sword he had gotten used to carrying on his hip he crept over to the door and opened it quietly, peering inside. When he saw Thorin with Dwalin kneeling in front of him he started to stammer, “oh, Thorin I’m sorry to interrupt. I’ll just be going now.”

“No! Don’t go!” Thorin shouted trying to keep Bilbo from leaving them stuck any longer than they needed to be.

“Thank you for the invitation but I’m not really into being with more than one person at a time,” Bilbo said blushing brightly.

“What?! NO!” Thorin exclaimed. “Not that I wouldn’t be interested in bedding you, quite the opposite actually I would quite like the opportunity to take you to my bed. But that’s beside the point. We are kind of stuck and need someone who can unstick us.”

Dwalin groaned, for all his years Thorin was anything but suave.

If anything Bilbo blushed brighter than he already was but stepped fully into the room and shut the door behind him. “Stuck? What do you mean stuck?”

Thorin tried valiantly not to blush, “Dwalin recently got his tongue pierced and it’s stuck on my own piercing.”

“I see. And neither of you are at a good angle to see both piercings to unstick them?” Bilbo said trying not to laugh at the absurdity of the situation as he crossed the room to get a better look. “Well let me see what I can do.” 

Dwalin gave what passed as a smile to Bilbo in greeting as the hobbit knelt in front of his face. He figured there was no point in being embarrassed, it wasn’t his bits hanging out for the world to see after all. Besides, Bilbo had caught other members of the company in much more compromising positions on the trip to Erebor, he would be discreet and keep their secrets.

“Oh I see what happened here,” Bilbo said after looking for a moment. Reaching out a small hand he gently pulled on Thorin’s piercing. “Dwalin, wiggle your tongue side to side and it should come free now.”

Dwalin did as he was told and wiggle his tongue. When he felt the metal slide free he pulled his tongue back and stood up to reach for the cup of water Thorin always kept on the council table. “Thank you Bilbo, that was getting a mite uncomfortable.”

“Yes thank you, I’m glad it was you who found us.” Thorin agreed, focusing rather intently on tucking himself away and re-lacing his trousers.

“Aye if it had been Kili or Fili that found us the whole mountain would know before dinner,” Dwalin chuckled after taking a drink and setting the cup back down. “Now if you will excuse me, I am going to find a nice cold mug of ale to ease the ache in my tongue.”

Once Dwalin left Bilbo turned an appraising eye to Thorin, “so you would like to bed me?”

With that simple comment, combined with the heat in Bilbo’s eyes, Thorin lost the fight with the blush trying to rise on his cheeks.


End file.
